Dominance: What is it?

What is Dominance?
For the last month or so, I have been receiving BDSM and D/s related writing prompts to my e-mail from Loving BDSM (I will add a link as soon as I can, the site seems to be down currently).  The first one I received is about Dominance.  What does it mean?  What types of traits does/should a Dominant have?  How should a Dominant behave?

Well, I do have my own opinions on this, but I thought it might be fun to get some insight directly from my Wolf (my Dom).  He listed out some traits and behaviors a Dom should have and I have added my own commentary.  So, you get the opinion of both a Dominant and a submissive!  It's a win-win!

These following are in no particular order, but are a list of what I think separates the fake, predatory creeps from the trustworthy Dominants just trying to find their person.  A lot of these apply to both D and s types.


Patience  
Patience is a virtue, they say, and I believe it is even more important within a D/s dynamic.  We are human beings and we are not perfect. I make mistakes, I have bad days, and Wolf is always understanding.  He doesn't get frustrated when things fail to go as planned.

He teaches and trains me to be what he wants, and still pushes me toward my own goals.  That in itself requires the utmost patience.  

Consistency
Consistency is probably one of the most important items on this list.  I can tell you from experience that inconsistent behaviors from a Dominant can lead to a very confused and unhappy submissive.  Rules, routines, etc are useless if not enforced on a consistent basis.

Love
This one may vary depending on the dynamic, some people might not want it, but mine wouldn't exist without it.  Don't forget, there are a lot of different types of love.  I love my Wolf in an earth shattering, to the moon and back kind of way... and I have an inkling He might love me like that too.  I give myself to him because it exists.


Firmness
This, to me, goes a long with consistency.  Like, sometimes, Wolf tells me to do something (example: take a break and do something fun) and I don't really want to do it.  He doesn't back down, and I appreciate that.  

Respect
If you have been anywhere near the cesspool that is kinky 'dating' sites, you will know that respect is HUGE and, unfortunately, can be rather difficult to find.  The bottom line here is that being Dominant does not give anyone a free pass to treat others like crap.

Humility
I am submissive, but I am neither weak nor a doormat and I will never stand for being treated as less than an equal.  There is nothing worse than a Dom (or anyone, for that matter) who acts like the sun shines out of their asshole.  Spoiler alert: It doesn't and no one is required to bow before your royal Domlyness. 

Honesty
I don't think I need to explain this one.  Honesty is good.  A good Dom doesn't lie to his submissive.  One of the reasons I love this lifestyle so much is the levels of trust, honesty, and communication it requires.  If one of those breaks, the entire thing is doomed.

What do you think makes a good Dominant?  What traits/behaviors do you look for?  Let me know in the comments below!   

Disclaimer:  This blog post is written from the perspective a M/f D/s relationship, because that is what I have experience with, please feel free to sub in whichever pronouns work best for you and your dynamic.  And, remember, everything contained within this post is my personal opinion derived from my own experiences.  Yours may be different, and that's okay!

Photo credit: Shutterstock.  I have rights to this image.  Cloud heart from Pixabay.

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