Broken collars & sadness

My collar broke this morning.  The chain crumbled in my hands as I tried to put it on for the day.  It put a damper on my Monday morning, as if Mondays weren't bad enough.  I wanted to burst into tears and crawl back into bed.  All day I kept trying to touch it, as I often do when I'm anxious or frustrated at work, but it wasn't there.  I felt... lost and strangely vulnerable.

I've been feeling off all day.  Not just because of the collar (also, life in general) but that has been a contributing factor.  It makes it more difficult when I cannot confide in my friends.  I can tell them I'm sad that I broke my necklace, but they don't know (and likely never will) what it symbolizes.  To them, it is just a piece of jewelry.     

Wolf and I are long-distance, that damn necklace is the one tangible thing I have with me all day everyday that links me to Him.  I realize that it's a material object and doesn't affect my relationship or dynamic with Him, but there is a ton of meaning packed into the delicate little necklace.  I could buy a new one, an exact replica, but it isn't THAT one. 

It's laying on the bathroom counter now.  I can't decide what to do with it. I tend to work myself into a frenzy over these things, because everything means something, right?  My mind spins out of control. 

Am I being dramatic?  I don't know. Probably.  I just want it back. 


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